There are at least four, tall, tasty beverages in front of me
the voices in my head are singing in 3 part harmony and the intrusive thoughts that pop up are just fun facts about 90's sitcom stars My limbs are 'inflatable dancer at a car dealership' loose but my spine is strong and straight I see a candid photo someone took of me from my bad side and shrug I chew on the photo "bad side" for a second and spit it out All of my daily chores feel choreographed to a beautiful piece of original music and my chaotic multitasking is actually saving me time I find myself content yet ambitious calm yet flamboyant rested but ready to pounce I am using my curiosity for hope my imagination for best-case scenarios and my attention to detail for astonishment It's 72 degrees and sunny the wind is at my back and the only thing I want is everything I have. [poem by Lyndsay Rush]
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I hate that I have been too sick to blog. I got Covid and it was the strain where it takes about a month to make a decent recovery. For Christmas I was supposed to spend a week in Arizona and then a week in Idaho. I'd never been to Idaho and was really looking forward to it. But after driving to Arizona, on the second day I was there, this wicked cough started coming from my chest and soon I was feverish and barely had enough energy to get out of bed and shower. I had a long list of places I wanted to visit in Arizona, but I was simply too ill to do anything. I knew I had to cancel my flight to Idaho because my listless body did not have the energy to make that trip. What I wanted most was to get home and see my doctor.
I'm not sure how I conjured the strength to drive from Arizona to back to New Mexico. I honestly have no recollection of the drive I made by myself. It was as if a fleet of angels were driving for me and keeping a watchful eye over me. The 7 hour drive was a blur. Once I was home, I made an appointment for Urgent Care because my primary care doc had no openings. Unfortunately, the Urgent Care doc said there was really nothing they could do to help me recover quickly from Covid. After the Covid conversation, I asked the doctor if she'd examine my "female area" because I was having trouble there, too. She completed a pelvic exam and then sent all the swabs off to a lab. A couple days later, she called to say I had an unusual infection and she prescribed a cream that needed to be made at the compound pharmacy. I was familiar with the compounding pharmacy because they'd made a medication for one of my cats. So I called the pharmacy to see when my prescription would be ready. That's when they told me the price of the medication was going to be $4000. Yes, $4000! I needed the medication desperately but I could not afford that price. The pharmacist came out to talk to me and he told me what the urgent care doctor ordered was for cancer patients; it was a cancer-fighting drug. No wonder it was so expensive! The pharmacist wrote down what should have been prescribed to me and I made an appointment with my primary care doctor who, without hesitation, called in a prescription for what the pharmacist suggested. So after dealing with Covid and then having a horrible other type of infection, I have been unwell. The first couple weeks of the New Year have been awful for me. Here's hoping 2023 is uphill from here! It's okay if your progress
doesn't manifest as a jaw dropping trasformation that becomes viral clickbait In fact, it's quite wonderful if your breaking news reads more like, Local Hero Sticks to New Morning Routine for 2 Days in a Row, sources say Or a remodeled sprinter van that a YouTuber bought for content It's perfectly fine if you're simply a squiggly little line trying their best to have more ups than downs. (I'm not sure who this poem is by, but I like it) I subscribe to the digital version of the Atlantic Magazine and find the authors' work hugely eye opening, entertaining, and thoughtful. They have a weekly column called the Culture Survey in which they interview someone about what their week has been like in terms of appreciating what's going on in pop culture and culture in general. I thought it would be fun to mimic the interview here on my blog.
Q: What image caught my attention recently? A: The image above. I was scrolling through Instagram and stopped and took a screenshot of this image. Unfortunately, I don't know who it's by, so I can't give proper credit. The image hit me because I felt like the guy with the anchors weighing him down. I didn't know how to get myself untangled and get rid of the ballast. Q: What did I read that made me stop and think? A: One thing I stumbled across that made me pause and re-read it was from the School of Life London Instagram account. The quote was: "It is deeply unlikely that we will ever find someone on exactly the same page of the soul as us. We long for utter congruity, but there will be constant dissonance, since whoever we meet will be the product of different families, locations and experiences: they will just not be made of quite the same fabric." Q: What made me cry this week? A: Two things made me cry. First, my cat, Babette, was very ill and I was afraid I was going to have to put her down. I cried all the way to the Vet appointment. Turns out she has a severe bladder infection and needs to be isolated from the other cats to have time and space to heal. The second thing that made me cry was an episode from a show called The Split. The main characters are going through a rough divorce in Season 3, and they have been doing all sorts of things to make each other's lives miserable. But in one episode, they find themselves having to spend a night in a Volkswagen camper and the close proximity they are in causes them to have an honest conversation about why their marriage broke down and how they can move forward. I love Nicola Walker, the lead actress, and this scene tugged at my heart strings. I found myself sobbing. Q: What new music did I discover this week? A: I didn't discover any new music, but I rediscovered a couple songs from the '80's and '90's that I used to love. They are: -Big in Japan by Alphaville -Major Tom by Peter Schilling (English version) -Come Undone by Duran Duran -Thank U by Alanis Morissette -Zooropa by U2 Q: What is something that I loved as a teenager that I still love? A: Making Rice Krispie treats. They are so simple, just three ingredients: butter, marshmallows, and Rice Krispie cereal. Q: What's a good recommendation I recently received? A: A dear friend recommended the Hulu series, The Patient. I had blown it off and didn't think I'd enjoy it, but my friend insisted I watch it. Steve Carrell is amazing as the therapist who is held hostage by a troubled young man. Q: What is something unusual you've done recently? A: I'm part of a class action law suit, and the plaintiffs had to go to training on how to be deposed by the defendant's attorneys. It was a fascinating experience. I learned things like: don't be sarcastic when answering questions, don't minimize your issues, don't tell the opposing counsel your life story. Give away as little information as possible. So, for example, when the lawyers ask me if I know my name, the correct answer is, 'Yes.' It's not, 'Jane Smith.' I'm not used to being cagey like this, but with the lawyer's training, I will hopefully make a good and credible witness. Q: What is something I'm looking forward to? A: I will be taking some extended time off over the Christmas holiday and I can't wait to be lazy and relax. It'll be so nice to have a break from the day to day grind. Q: What do I want for Christmas? A: Without a trace of sarcasm, my answer is world peace Q: What is something good I had to eat recently? A: In New Mexico, we have a hamburger chain restaurant called Blake's Lotta Burger. I have not been there in ages. I don't eat a lot of red meat. But I decided to swing by there the other day, and I ate one of the best hamburgers I've had in ages. ---------- Hashtags: #Interview #TheAtlantic #Q&A It's officially the holiday season, at least here in the USA. Traditionally, we Americans start decorating our homes with Christmas trees and other festive decorations the day after Thanksgiving. I don't decorate for Christmas, but what I do to get in the holiday spirit, is start listening to Christmas music.
I've collected Christmas music for 40+ years. When we still had CD players, I'd burn my friends and family my annual Christmas CD, and it was a big hit! But now that we no longer use CD players, I create an official Christmas playlist to share with everyone. I don't just pick a bunch of songs at random. Instead, I tell the story of my year via Christmas songs. Just like my year was, the Christmas play list contains several songs in minor chords that evoke a melancholy feeling, as well as upbeat songs that make you want to drink hot chocolate and grin from ear to ear. When most people conjure up the notion of Christmas music, I think what comes to mind is Wham, Mariah Carey, and Christina Aguilera. These are the songs we hear repeatedly in department stores and on the radio. And there's nothing wrong with these artists and their Christmas music. But there is so much more good music to be discovered and savored. To illustrate what I mean by Christmas music, I've decided to share a list of some of my favorite songs: Carol of the Bells by Barlow Girls Hallelujah by Carrie Underwood, featuring John Legend Rejoice by Il Divo I Believe In Father Christmas by Greg Lake Simple Gifts by Alison Krauss and Yo-Yo Ma That Was the Worst Christmas Ever by Sufjan Stevens Merry Christmas Darling by The Carpenters Auld Lang Syne by James Taylor Sunshine by Sia I hope you will listen to these songs on whatever music steaming service you use. And cheers to the holiday season! --------- Hashtags: #Christmas #Music #ChristmasCarols Thursday, November 24th is Thanksgiving in the USA. This day marks the start of the holiday season. I love Thanksgiving. It's less frantic than Christmas, and the expectations are simply that you have a great meal and spend time with family, whether virtually or in person.
One thing me and my family do at Thanksgiving is go around the table and everyone rattles off a handful of things they are thankful for. I love this ritual. It's a wonderful time to reflect on the past year and express gratitude. This year, due to 100 different reasons, I will be spending Thanksgiving on my own. I will deviate from the traditional turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes meal and instead, I will make a pot of soup and some banana bread. Another thing I'll be doing is counting my blessings. 2022 has been a rough year for me. I was plagued with serious health issues and was in and out of the hospital multiple times. I've seen a number of medical specialists to try and get to the bottom of what's ailing me. But it is taking a long time. Despite all of this, there are many things I am thankful for. Here's a list of some of these things: 1. I don't have a large circle of friends, but the ones I have are true blue. I can count on my friends for any and everything. It's hard to put into words how much I cherish my friends. 2. I am thankful for the medical specialists who oversee my healthcare. These doctors and nurses care and want to see me get well. I have an awesome therapist, primary care doctor, acupuncturist, etc. 3. My family, despite our ups and downs and dysfunctions, has been there for me in moments of crisis. When I had to be hospitalized in January, my sister and mom drove from Arizona to my home in New Mexico without me asking them to do this. They just dropped everything and rushed to be by my side. I cannot express enough how touching this was to me. They took care of my home, my plants, and my cats while I was hospitalized, and this was a huge weight off my shoulders. 4. Speaking of my cats, I am so grateful for them! I adopted Lucy in July and she has been such a lovely addition to the family. My cats keep me company and are extremely affectionate and loyal. Nothing beats me and my cats piled into my bed on a cold winter's night. It's so comforting. 5. I'm grateful for my challenging and rewarding job, and for my supportive manager. A manager can make or break your job satisfaction, and my manager is awesome! I realize how lucky I am to be in this position. 6. Another thing I am thankful for is music. It has a transformative power that fills me with energy and happiness. I recently subscribed to Apple Music (yes, I realize I'm terribly late to the game) and it's so fun making playlists to suit my mood. 7. This list wouldn't be complete without giving a shoutout to Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and Apple TV. Nothing beats watching a riveting new documentary, series, or movie. I love ending my work day and turning on HBO to watch the latest episode of Succession. I can't wait for season 4 to start! 8. I need to give a shout out to sunshine. Here in New Mexico, the sun shines about 300 days a year. A beautiful sunny day can turn my entire mood around. 9. Another thing I'm grateful for is my hair stylist. She is amazing. This year, due to my illness, I lost a lot of hair. It was incredibly upsetting to comb my hair and see clumps falling out. My stylist, Katie, remained positive throughout my hair shedding experience. We decided to cut my long bob completely off and go for a pixie cut. Katie helped me acquire hair care products to regrow my hair, and the products are working. Like many women, I am vain about my hair. Katie helped me through the ordeal of losing so much hair. And for her, I am grateful. 10. Lastly, I am thankful for my home, which is in a nice neighborhood where I feel safe. As Thanksgiving approaches, what are you thankful for? --------- Hashtags: #Thanksgiving #Gratitude How was your week? Mine was really good. Here are five things that made the week fantastic: 1. I met with a Nutritionist and she told me I need to stop drinking Coca Cola. The Nutritionist said Coke is bad for me for numerous reasons (causes inflammation, too many calories and zero nutrients, bad for blood sugars, etc.). I thought it would be difficult to quit my Coka-a-day habit, but I did it! I'm proud of myself. 2. I love shopping at antique malls and thrift stores. This week, at an Indoor Flea market, I scored a Herman Miller office chair for $120. These incredible ergonomic office chairs are about $1000 for a new one. I'm currently in the process of cleaning and polishing the chair, and am fiddling with the hydraulics to make it as comfortable as possible. 3. I busted out the Christmas music this week. I know, I know. It's a bit early for many of you. But I adore Christmas music and it was fun putting together a few playlists of festive music. I think I'll write a blog post solely dedicated to xmas music in the near future. :)
4. I had lunch with a colleague who is now retired. It was wonderful catching up with her. She gives excellent advice and is endlessly patient with me as I seek her feedback on things such as performance, execution, and advancing my career. She's a fabulous mentor. 5. I purchased a set of flannel bed sheets from Target, and OMG my bed is so comfortable. It's starting to get very cold over night where I live. The new flannel sheets are inviting and keep me and the cats warm during the cold nights. That's a wrap for me this week. I hope you all have an excellent and productive week ahead. Until next time... ---------- Hashtags: #HermanMiller #FleaMarkets #FlannelSheets #Mentor #Coke #Nutritionist #ChristmasMusic How do you know if you're happy? It seems like an easy question, but I don't think it's that straightforward.
For me, I know I'm happy when I behave kindly in situations that would normally make me very upset. An example happened today. I got carry-out food from a restaurant and when I got home and was taking the food out of the bag, I realized the restaurant messed up my order and only gave me half of what I paid for. Normally, I'd be so pissed and annoyed. But today I called the manager of the restaurant and told her what happened. She said, "I'm so sorry we made this mistake. Would you like to return to the restaurant to pick up the other part of your order? Because you've been so kind and patient, I'd like to give you a gift card to use whenever you want." I told her that would be great, and then I got in my car and returned to the restaurant. When I'm unhappy, I lose my temper and can't tolerate mistakes like this. But when I'm in a good head space, I realize we all make mistakes. And luckily, the restaurant was close to my house, so it wasn't that much of an inconvenience. Another way I know I'm happy is when I'm able to exhibit patience with people/companies/entities who annoy me. On Saturday, I was supposed to have my groceries delivered from Walmart at noon. But the delivery didn't show up. I received a text that there would be a two-hour delay. No biggie. I had other stuff to do around the house. But when my grocery order hadn't arrived by 6:00 (meaning it was 6 hours late), I called customer service and politely inquired as to what was happening with my order. When I'm unhappy, I lose my patience and yell at the person on the other end of the phone. But I didn't do that because I felt like I had plenty of patience. The customer service manager apologized for the mistake and refunded my order. And like the manager at the restaurant, this customer service representative said because I was so kind and patient, he was sending me a $20 Walmart gift card through email. Out of curiosity, I asked the customer service guy if he encounters a lot of angry customers during the course of his work day, and he said yes, all the time. It cost me nothing to be kind to him, and it made him happy. Last week, I read a line in an article that said a smile is a secret weapon because it makes other people feel warm inside due to a quick but powerful energy exchange. I've been trying to smile a lot more lately because the author was right -- I do feel better when I smile at a stranger. While standing in line to vote the other day, I smiled at everyone who finished voting and walked past me. A couple of the strangers even stopped and made small talk with me. You could tell we were all happy in that moment. Happiness is fleeting. It comes and goes. I've been unhappy with things in my life for several months, but now I feel a sense of relief. And I'm happy again. Happiness is addictive. Use it wisely. ---------- Hashtags: #Happiness #Patience #Kindness #HumanInteractions #Smile I'm exhausted. My life has been packed to maximum capacity with a million things to tend to, but my energy level is collapsing, hard. I feel like I am drowning in my own life, and I don't see a way to save myself.
I have a full-time, demanding job, and I'm currently taking care of my elderly mom who has dementia. She lives with me 6 months out of the year, and our time is drawing to a close. I will miss her, but I will also relish the fact that I no longer have to be her sole care giver. Caring for a person with advanced dementia is hard as shit and I don't have the skill set to do this job. When I'm exhausted, I am impatient, on edge, resentful, and angry. Today mom and I went to Chik-fil-a and ordered from the drive thru. The pimply faced 20 year old kid who was working the drive thru window got our order wrong and I yelled at him. It was a simple mistake that under normal circumstances would not bother me. Normally, I'd view it as annoying, but I would not yell at the kid like I did today. My exhaustion is starting to affect my interactions with nearly everyone, and I am very unhappy with myself and my behavior. So, how do I get out of this hell hole I'm in? I started exercising again recently, and I'm eating protein and fiber. I'm also drinking a lot of water. I see my therapist regularly, and I'm thankful for the handful of friends I have who listen to me, without judgement. I believe that passing the care for my mom to my sister will bring a huge sense of relief. I'm also looking forward to cool, dark evenings. Autumn and winter are the perfect time to hunker down with a cozy blanket, a cat or two in my lap, and a good book or Netflix series. I'm going to give myself grace and acknowledge that everything is temporary, even my exhaustion. |
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